I've started to cringe internally when strangers tell my daughter how pretty she is. I mean, she is pretty-- she's gorgeous! But I cringe because I don't want her to grow up believing that it matters if a stranger thinks she's pretty. I don't want her to believe anyone else when they tell her what the criteria are for her being pretty and staying pretty. And I don't want her to ever put so much thought and energy and time and money into trying to be pretty that it steals from the rest of her life.
This is what it means when a stranger tells you how pretty you are: you got a certain set of genes that our society approves of and you should be proud of that.
This is what it means when someone tells you how ugly you are or that you need to work on your appearance: you got a certain set of genes that aren't as popular and you should feel ashamed of that. Seriously. You should feel ashamed of the genetic makeup that you were born with.
How stupid is that?
If she ends up being hairy, she will believe that she is ugly. If she grows too tall, she will feel weird. If she has a big nose, she will think that she needs to wear makeup. If her skin is too fair, she will want to start tanning. If her hair is too straight, she will ask to get a perm.
And if she's paying any attention at all to the advertising and marketing that will start spewing these lies at her from childhood on, she's going to figure out that being fat is the same as being ugly. And a fat woman who is not hitting the gym and starving herself is doing a huge disservice to all the other people who have to look at her.
Unless I can figure out how to get through to her that she is a stellar human being just the way she is.
Unless I can figure out how to convince her that her heart and her mind are 100 times more crucial to her identity than what her body looks like.
Unless I can show her that our bodies are meant for accomplishing incredible things, not for looking incredibly perfect.
Unless I can model for her what it looks like for a woman to truly love herself and care for herself without any shame or embarrassment or punishment for having less than ideal looks.
Unless I can teach her how to be powerful and strong and bold enough to stand up against the millions of lies she's going to hear and see every day of her life.
Unless I pour so much truth into her life about who she is as a member of the human race that she can barely even hear the lies.
