Visiting church...

I've been visiting a church lately.

Maybe that means that I'm not destined for hell after all. (sarcasm with a smile)

It's interesting to me to look at myself and my motivations and try to figure out why I want to go to a church. I haven't been a regular church attender for about four years, I think. And I really haven't missed church at all.

I should point out that this church I've been visiting is not your average church. It is a Quaker semi-programmed church. That means that it is part of the Quaker or Friends denomination (Christians) and has some structure to the service but no sermon. So it's really not regular church at all. We don't even sit facing the front of the room because there's nothing up front to look at. We sit in rows that face each other, almost a circle. We commune with each other; we do not sit there to watch a pastor or a worship team or a screen.

Why am I going to a church? I don't even really believe in church. I don't really believe in religion so much. But I do want to connect to others. I do want to talk to people about God, about spirituality, about how we decide how to live this life. And it seems like the best way to achieve this purpose is to go to a church. That's what church is for, right? To figure out what this whole God thing is all about?

Except I don't feel that figuring out the whole God thing involves a pastor telling an entire congregation how to read the Bible, how to pray, how to minister to others, how to give, and how to raise their children. That's my own personal opinion; feel free to have a different view. I'm just not willing to participate in that kind of religion, in that kind of church. Because a pastor is not God and can't tell me what God wants from my life as an individual.

What if figuring out this God stuff was more like people just having conversations and sharing ideas and hearing each other? What if it involved asking questions and analyzing our experiences and listening as individuals and as groups to try to hear that still small voice that God sometimes uses to speak to our hearts? This non-regular church kind of feels like it could be like that a little. I'll give it time. I want to be part of a community; I want to be part of a conversation; I want to be connected. So I'm willing to give this thing a try.