I didn't realize...

I didn't realize that I was still mourning the loss of my job at the school district. I got laid off, what, like three months ago? I started missing my job then, wishing I could keep it, thinking of all the things I loved about it, everything that made it the perfect job for me.

But I did find another job, working at the bank. And even though I was in a funk one week at work, it has all smoothed over, and now I'm doing a lovely job. I enjoy my job; I like showing up each morning. I look forward to the things I'm going to learn and the people I'm going to see. It's a good job, and I know it is where I'm supposed to be right now, at this phase in life.

However, yesterday I went back to my old workplace to drop off a book that I had borrowed, and when I left, I found myself crying. I didn't know that I still had tears to shed for my old job three months after receiving my lay-off notice.

Then today, I got a message from the school district, and they have a job for me. I can go back and work at school if I want. But it's not the right time anymore; it's not what I need right now. But that doesn't stop the tears, wishing I could go back, wishing that it was the place I was supposed to be.

So I find myself crying yet again. I just didn't expect it to be like this. I didn't think that I still felt this sad about leaving my job at the school district. I guess when I call back to tell them I'm not available, that will be the final closure, the final goodbye to my coworkers at the school district and all the beautiful children that I've cared for so much.